My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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