My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
