Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
