Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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