Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
