So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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