did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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