I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
