She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
