i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
