eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You are a genius and a whore.
True college students do jello shots in the library
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
