i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
