Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can I color on your dick again?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
