His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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