well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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