I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm too high and old for this...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
