OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
