remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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