I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
