your thong is hanging out like whoa
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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