White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
