on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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