Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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