Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
