Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
