It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
