i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
