Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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