At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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