Me. At least after what I've been through.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
