Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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