I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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