I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
