Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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