i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
