We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
