either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
