The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
