I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
