When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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