If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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