I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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