Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize