Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
