I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
