Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
