Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
