whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
