my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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