At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
