I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
