No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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