I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
