You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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