Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
