nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
