Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize