The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
