I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize