I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
