Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
