I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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