Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
