I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
