Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
