Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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