I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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