I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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