Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize