the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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