he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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