so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
