Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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