I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
