just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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