you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize