i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Send help, water and tortillas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
