why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
