No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Randomize
