you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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