So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
