It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
worst night to have a conscience
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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