If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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