puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
