So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
