It's like a parade of train wrecks.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
