you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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