I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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