just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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