The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
