We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize