I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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