you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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