You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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