The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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