If that was your dad, he is hot
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
